無意識のうちに伝えているメッセージ・・意図しないメッセージ

子供がどこかをぶつけて「いたい、いたい」と泣いているときに、「大丈夫、痛くないよ」と慰めたことはありませんか?それがいい時もあれば、悪い時もある気がします。

長女に伝えていたメッセージ

この間、長女が転んで口をぶつけ怪我をしたときに、私は「大丈夫、大丈夫」と慰めました。それは痛いと思えばきっともっと痛く感じてしまうだろうという思いがあったからです。

その時にふと、長女は私の「大丈夫、大丈夫」という言葉を聞いて、どう感じているのだろうと考えました。私が「大丈夫」と言うと、さらに大きな声で泣きながら「いたいよ~」とうったえます。もしかしたら長女は「パパはなんで分かってくれないんだ。大丈夫じゃない、痛いんだ」って言いたかったのかもしれません。そして、「パパは私の言うことを信じていない、心配してくれていない」と感じたかもしれません。

もちろん、私はすごく心配していたし、あぁ痛いだろうなと思っていたのですが、おそらく長女に伝えていたメッセージはそうではなかったのだと思います。

私は、できる限り子供たちが言ったことについては、自分の言葉でもう一度繰り返して、「言ったことは理解しているよ」というメッセージを送るように心がけています。「まだねんねしたくない」という長女を説得するときも、まずは「そっか、まだねんねしたくないんだ」と言ってからどうすれば気持が変わるかなと考えて話をするようにしています。

それでも、さっきの例のように、無意識のうちに自分の意図したものとは違うメッセージを子供たちに送ってしまっているのだと思います。

そして、子供たちはそれを敏感に感じ取って、すぐさま反応します。

無意識に伝えているメッセージ

でも、ちょっと考えてみたら、実はこの無意識に伝えてしまっているメッセージって、子供たちに対してだけじゃないなと思いました。子供は素直に反応してくれるからわかりやすくて、反省もできます。でも、大人は・・・素直には反応してくれません。感じたメッセージは心の中にしまってしまいます。

友達や同僚、兄弟、親、妻に対しても、自分が意図しているのとは違うメッセージを、きっと想像を絶するほど大量に伝えてしまっているんだろうな、とふと思いました。

もちろん、メッセージを受け取るのは相手で、それをどう受け取るかは相手次第なのですが、自分がコントロールできることについては、もう少し注意していきたいなと思いました。そして、それを受け取った相手がどのように感じているのかを想像して、もっと敏感に感じ取れるようになりたいと思いました。

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